well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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