remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
