Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
