Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(813): View more from Florida

Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.

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(319): View more from Iowa

he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land

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(585): View more from New York

He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.

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(713): View more from Texas

do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?

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(701): View more from North Dakota

I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic

Fav 3 2567 1996
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(407): View more from Florida

Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.

Fav 13 2110 1077
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(410): View more from Maryland

I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later

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(510): View more from California

My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.

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