I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
