Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Randomize
