Christians are straight up FREAKS
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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