is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
