I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
