So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Randomize
