You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
