I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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