I think i peed on brittanys purse
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
