i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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