Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Slut skills are useful in every country.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
