the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize