Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
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