Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
