Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
