it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
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Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
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YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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