Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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