I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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