you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
