Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
