I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
His nipple licking is glorious
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