Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
