So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
