Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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