So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
