He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
