Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
