biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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