You made eat vitamins until I threw up
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
