My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
