he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Randomize
