we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
