HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
