you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
