I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
