I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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