if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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