i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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