Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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