last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
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I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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