can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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