you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
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dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
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I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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