if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I need a burrito and a hug.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
