this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
