remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
party gras won. party gras always wins.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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