You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
