this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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