I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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