That's when you crack a 10am beer
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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