If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
