the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
