Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
