I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
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I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
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I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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