I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
