I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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