had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
