I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
