i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You took a bar mat shot.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
