last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
