I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
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